Sunday Blues, Monday To Dos

Monday, 25 September 2017
This weekend was really good. I spent time with my family, had a friend to stay, sorted out things that I had been putting off for weeks. I also had a few 'lightbulb' 'moments...

As I awoke on Sunday morning, the first thing that I saw was the bottle of prosecco on my dressing table. I had that horrible moment when you lie still, terrified of moving in case you felt the familiar grip of a hangover beginning. I didn't feel that I had been particularly drunk enough to deserve a mammoth hangover, but with prosecco you just don't know. (Also, I realise that this has made it sound like I have some sort of alcohol problem - I was just out for drinks with friends!) I ran to the bathroom and downed water to rehydrate and also grabbed a diet coke (not healthy - but a lifesaver!!!)
As I way lying in bed, silently thankful that I managed to escape a hangover I had such a moment of clarity. Why drink so much that you make yourself feel dreadful the next day? I'm not at uni any more and I've had four straight years of partying and drinking but now I don't need to do it now. Recently, I had a terrible migrane. I remember thinking to myself that that was some of the worst pain I had been in and I would give anything to stop feeling that bad so why a couple of weeks later do I go out and potentially make myself feel half as bad as I did that night?
TO DO: Push myself to make healthier choices.

I got weighed at the gym on Saturday and if I thought that seeing pictures of myself in a bikini on holiday was bad, this was so much worse. It was admitting that I was unhappy and overweight and at this point, the only person that can be blamed is me. I am the heaviest that I have ever been and I think my confidence is at it's lowest it's been in a while. HOWEVER, I have to say that I have started my week off properly. I woke up at 6am this morning to go to the gym before work. I never thought that I would be that person, and I'm not saying that I'll keep this motivation up but I'm proud of myself and I've shown myself that I can do it.
TO DO: Keep motivated, make myself proud.

A friend came to visit me this weekend and on Sunday evening, I drove her to the train station. As I was driving there I could feel a knot in my stomach and couldn't shake off this uncomfortable feeling. As I drove home, I realised that it was the journey on a rainy Sunday that made me feel sick. It was the journey I used to do when I left home and went back to uni, and it was as if it was programmed within me to feel sick.
So, I have made a promise to myself. If I get the Sunday Blues, not the typical 'I'd rather have another weekend than work' feeling, but genuinely dread getting up to go to a job that I don't like or live a life that make me get knots in my stomach, I will fix it. Life is short enough as it is, but to spend such a high percentage of that life uneasy with what you do, is it really worth it?

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